Fire Island, Monday May 11, 2020 – Out Leadership today announced that Stephen JP Smith, its Head of Marketing-Whatever-That-Means, is getting older by the minute.
While determining the exact age of Irish people is tricky because of unreliable record keeping, Jane Barry-Moran, Newbie at Out Leadership, estimated his age at “between forty and sixty years old based on Zoom interaction.”
“It’s difficult to say,” she added. “I saw him play with his grandkids on team calls lately.” Marco Martinot announced a new OL research project sponsored by the Gill Foundation to hunt for Stephen’s birth certificate in his home country.
Out Leadership Founder and CEO Todd Sears said: “Stephen Smith should just be grateful he survived the Great Hunger, two months of quarantine with Dr. Philippa, endless and ineffective Zoom meetings with Chris Frederick about virtual Pride, and multiple other Irish tragedies. Everything else is really icing on the cake for Stephen at this point. Aging for him is a privilege.”
Stephen’s wife, Dr. Philippa Connolly, PhD, joined Todd in acknowledging Stephen’s rapid aging. “I know it’s your birthday and stuff my little cupcake, but I am really busy right now,” she said.
“Don’t forget to change the baby and mop the kitchen. There is a pile of dishes in the sink for you to clean and I placed my medical blouse for you to mend on the bed,” Dr. Connolly added. “Stop wasting time on that computer today, please. Oh, and I got you this bottle of ‘Just For Men Touch Of Gray, for a salt & pepper look’ bottle as a gift – it’s on top of your chores list in the living room.”
Colleague Fabrice Houdart, dilettante at Out Leadership, commented: “Stephen might be fifty, but how many lives has he lived that he managed to accumulate so many job experiences? He has supposedly worked at such companies as Properly, The Fyre Festival, Link AKC, Apple’s Bees, American Kennel Club (no kidding, he worked there!), Irish Central, The Trump’s Administration, MBA World Trophy, The Dairy Queen, The Nixon’s Administration, G-Marsh TV, Keo Films, Independent Pictures, Principal Construction… Stephen’s resume is really a professional pot-pourri.”
Out Leadership’s marketing team member, Justin LaCoursiere, said, “Stephen who? Oh him… I thought that was Michael Tighe’s dad. He works here? Really!? interesting – he is not even on the website though. Are you sure? He really looks straight too – I mean, he dresses like it. Also, Stephen Smith does not even sound like a real name.”
Dr. Connie Nguyen, Cosmetic Dermatologist on the Upper East Side, weighed-in: “In the case of Stephen Smith, and until hospitals are less busy, a simple Botox injection would go a long way to make his skin appear smoother and unwrinkled on his forehead.”
“As soon as elective surgeries are deconfined, I will recommend some additional work,” she said.
Luigi Lewin, Managing Director, Sales at Out Leadership commented: “That’s nice – yeahhh, happy birthday. A little less birthdays and a little more sales would be great.” Kenya Simon joined Luigi’s sentiment by adding, “I thought I was Head of Marketing, are you sure that’s Stephen’s title? I will need to speak to Todd about this.”
Dennis B. Sprung, CEO of the American Kennel Club, joined others in congratulating Stephen: “Come back Stephen! We cannot offer you a salary at the moment, but we will falsify your pedigree documents as a compensation.”
Rufus Gifford, former Senior Advisor at Out Leadership said, “I would have stayed at Out Leadership but the straight Irish dude was getting on my nerves. I did not sign up to join a frat house.” He then heavily rolled his eyes several times.
For further information, please contact:
Head of Marketing, Out Leadership
About Out Leadership:
Out Leadership is the oldest and largest global LGBT+ business advisory that partners with the world’s most influential companies to build business opportunities, cultivate talent, and drive LGBT equality forward. We believe that LGBT+ inclusion positively impacts business results, and that including LGBT+ people at the most senior level of executive leadership builds business. We call this idea Return on Equality™.
Comprised of 80+ global member firms and dedicated to cross-industry collaboration, Out Leadership is a certified B Corporation. Out Leadership convenes CEOs, business leaders and allies at exclusive invitation-only events across 4 continents. Out Leadership also operates three talent initiatives: Quorum, which aims to increase LGBT+ representation on corporate boards; OutNEXT, the first global talent development program for emerging LGBT+ leaders; and OutWOMEN, connecting senior-level LGBT+ women in business.